Well, hello my world, coming back again to
me… Alan Darmasaputra who hates being unemployed so much, and it is almost 1
year since I left my job, or being jobless, and again… I hate it so much.
But not to complain, on this time im going
to tell in this… my diary, about what am I doing when im (still) unemployed,
woahhh I hate to confirm this, but I must. Mark Manson said, it’s good to accept,
its an acceptance of you yourself as a fragile human being, and to be honest as
hell as a fragile souls, which know nothing about life instead. A solace.
Write, like this one im doing right now
while listening on relaxing classic music piano on Youtube with some rain as
the background noise, this is very lovely and yes, it truly relaxing! (it reminisces me to .Hack//GU games
when I was a kid, when I was loving play some games. Hence, I throw away playing
game, which is wasting the time on the most part. Yeah, writing, I hope it
helps me someday being a knowledge which trains me of speaking or learning
english or for the career in the future, well I don’t know. Immersing into english.
Instead of writing, workout being my daily
basis, my routine. Trying to balance the stress with workout really relieved me
out of the bullshit happens out there and inside, also it helps me cope with the procrastination situation though. (at this point im thinking
being ignorant to something is really a blessings. After all the things, issues
happens in my life, totally changes my way of thinking about lot of things. While
separated from the all hustle and bustle is very blissfull, im not bothered
with a lot of peeps but being alone (khalwat) and contemplate (tafakkur) was very
important for me.) work my body out, buffed really refresh my mind. Instead of
workout, doing a short nap also helping me out to stress off.
Drawing, my passion, hobby and talent. I have
a big doubt on drawing before, I have a lot of consideration to come back to
draw. Instead of being grateful of the gift, which I should’ve done it. I always
fear of being underestimated in public with the skill, even im doing it good but
well, being jobless have a connection with this. The afraidness of being seen
as jobless and all you did just drawing, eventhough you re so good at it. Maybe
other people or maybe you feel the same, when you re good at something but
youre feel opressed of being free to do what you re good at, ahhhh… this social
media things is very complex and you have a pathology on it you know. Still try
to fight the feeling of being opressed.
All those ive elaborated above, was
just a little part of what im worried and
concern about. Instead of that I can say, Im just learning new things like graphic
design (Digitally) or maybe read a lot of books and article about biography or something
that can develop my way of thinking, and off course also looking for a job
vacancy on the internet which I want to work at. And this not this simple, it’s
hard being unemployed, and also being creative on your routine, I mean
productively, not just doing ‘ngopi-ngopi’ things and hang out with some
friends have fun playing and chit chat or something unproductive (not all hang
out is unproductive but I believe most of them unproductive, we could also do
something like TAO discussion or business discussion but it needs a lot of
effort and consideration of cliques). All hail my writing routine! Hope someone
who read this can find a wisdom from this. (even after i wrote this, when i look for 'unemployed' pic i can't find one in unsplash.com! haha! so i decided to use picture of eyes afterwards).
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